What You Need to Know Before You Join Speech and Debate

This is not a hate post.  I do not hate Speech and Debate.  I think that it's a wonderful program, and I think that it teaches you a lot of things, and more life skills than most of what you are taught during the school day.  Certainly more than you would with football, which I have never understood.

But- and there of course must be a "but" part of my statement-  it has some flaws, as do most things.  And this is a blog, so I'm not going to fluff this anymore than I already have (because I don't have to, haha)- I won't bull-crap you like that.  But there are some things that I have problems with, and I'm not sure whether they'll apply to you or not, but without further ado, here they are. 

Okay, with this activity, before you join, you need to understand that this absolutely cannot be something that you have a half interest in.  You can't have a hobby that requires more or equal to commitment, because this needs to be a main focus in your life.  I'm not even exaggerating.  Homework?  Backburner.  Writing a novel?  Don't even think about that until you've cut a piece and have it well-read.  At this point, here's where most people tell me, "Well, why don't you just quit?"   Okay, just stop.  If you want to have any hope of doing well in Speech and Debate, you'd better have a fancy getup and, if you're a girl, about ten pounds of makeup.  You have to look nice.  And that means money.  Just for speech.  So stop requesting that I quit.  I'm in this, and I don't really have a way out of it.  I'm stuck.  So know this before you join: Speech and Debate requires money, and more time than you usually have.  This is a commitment that I like to think of as being married to a traveling spouse.  Or being the traveling spouse.  I wouldn't suggest being a hopeful writer and also doing this.  It doesn't work, and I'm learning that the hard way.  I'm not even supposed to be writing this right now. 

Also, you have to be a happy person.  A very happy, confident, hopeful person, because Speech and Debate is as depressing as heck.  I'm in the acting department of it all, where you read poetry and talk about dead puppies and try to get people to cry about it, so of course you're probably thinking that this is obvious, but no.  The sad seriousness is everywhere except the one and a half events specifically for funny stuff.  You want to debate?  Great, have fun talking about how everybody is dying because of guns, and trying to convince people that it's the right thing to do... I don't even know.  So I'll admit, I'm not the best person to talk about this.  But the topics are the same and very rarely unique.  I know.  I have classes with some very smart, some very dedicated debaters, and they talk of nothing else, and it's really annoying.  I have to wonder how we're not all depressed and paranoid at the end of the day.  I don't think that it's right that everyone is fighting for things that could make us happy, and they're too worried about getting other people to worry about sad stuff that does not make people happy.  Maybe if we were all happier, then there would be less things to be sad about, if that makes sense.  And, disclaimer, I'm not saying that things like rape aren't an issue.  They are, and we're trying to do something about it.  But not every minute of our lives needs to be spent in misery, okay?  It's okay to smile. 

Oh, and one more thing about acting events.  It has a very bad habit of romanticizing depression, anxiety, and rape.  And the sick thing is that if you're a cute little person, then they say that you're perfect for playing that part.  I've seen this in writing, too, so I think that this is just a general pet peeve, but I've seen so many times others make these really horrible things look like a good way of getting attention, and/or of living your life.  I don't really know how to describe it, but there is a difference between using a person and common problem to make others aware of the issue, and of making it seem like the appealing sort of drama.  I frankly find it offensive, because they are often portrayed inaccurately.  It's always acted like it's something as simple as a romance that is what causes it or makes it go away.  It may be a trigger, but it' not the entire problem.  Insecurities and just feelings in general play a huge role, I'm pretty sure.  Stop trying to simplify the issue, please.  Take it for what it is:  a problem that is a part of the person's life, but not the entire person, and much more complex and hard than you make it out to be. 

So, essentially, this is my novice conclusion.  Ahem, Speech and Debate is really just great, and I mean that.  But it is also like permanently tattooing your entire personality with stiffness and professionalism and sad things.  You need to be almost to the point where you feed on controversy, discontentment, and stress. 

Thank you for reading, and I'm sorry if this was offensive, but I'm pretty sure that a speech person could easily argue this. 

But the thing is, I openly acknowledge that this is an opinion. 

So don't argue it, my dear speech loving family, because this is how I feel. 

Bye!

My Boy Problem

If you are the boy that I am talking about, and reading this, then, first of all, your stalking problem is worse than I thought, and second, I'm sorry.   But please take a hint. 

But since you are probably not the boy I'm talking about, let me explain.  A month or two ago, I had a class transfer in math.  I was on an advanced track that was two years ahead of where I was supposed to be, and I was failing and absolutely miserable.  So I decided to be bumped down to a slower track, which has been much better.  What wasn't better, however, was that I now had a different seminary class so that we could fit this new thing into my schedule, and I was and still am the only freshman kid in there.  (Okay, that's a lie.  There's another kid there, and she's very nice.  She just doesn't want to be there.)  But I loved seminary anyways, and I was going to do my darndest to be positive about it.  And a day or two into it, there was this thing where we made these cute little videos applying to a gospel doctrine, and ours was something having to do with family values.  I ended up being a wife in a polygamist family (disclaimer to the non-member:  Mormons don't do polygamy; we were just making fun of it, I guess), and was, of course, very polite to my "husband".  We took a picture, and so this new life took place. 

I started to walk to seminary with my "family", not that we had to or anything, they were just really nice, and I knew a couple of people.  Yeah... well, my supposed husband seemed to think me being friendly was a way of some serious flirting.  And, okay, there's something you need to understand.  I don't think I'm a huge flirt, but when I do, the guy never cares.  Boys don't usually like me!   So maybe I did a little bit of flirting, yeah.  But he got a little bit too excited about it. 

It was pretty slow at first, him talking mainly to me, him starting to do some friendly teasing of his own, stuff like that. .  I remember this one time, I was having a little allergy problem with peanuts, and I had to run back into the seminary building to take my Benadryl, and he was actually late to his class because he was waiting for me.   But then I started to leave with the rest of the group without him, and he got kind of upset with me about it.   So I started to wait for him, which was a mistake.  Every morning, I go out and hang out with a friend in the library, and he began to come there every morning, and at first, he didn't say anything, but then he approached me, and would talk non-stop, and then started walking me to my first period.  I went to a dance, and he followed me everywhere then, too.  There were a couple of times he tried to get me to hold his hand in a group dance circle thing we were doing. 

Um, yeah.  So I started getting freaked out, and was actually really depressed about the fact that I would have to hurt this guy's feelings. 

I have pretty much zero experience in turning people down, so this was a whole new thing for me.  And believe it or not, I don't rejoice in the pain of others.  It just ain't nice.  But I would have done it, had he actually made a move on me aside from just being creepy.  But he wasn't doing it, so unless if I was going to be a jerk, I'd have to let him hang out with me.  All.  The.  Time.  With him and only him talking.  And saying weird things.  While I sat like a good girl and sat and listened and smiled. 

Okay, well, last week, I made the choice that I was going to do everything I could to stop him from doing stuff.  Because I was just done.  It was creepy.  I was scared.  Truly genuinely on the edge of being terrified.  So I started acting more dismissive than I thought that I ever thought would be necessary.  And yet he still didn't get it. 

Oh, and get this, I was walking (unwillingly) with him one day, and I waved to this one guy with a mental handy-cap, and he got so mad! I'm pretty sure I heard him mutter "oaf" under his breath.  And I was, frankly, pissed.  Earlier, he was using lines on this other girl, and here he was, not even letting me say hi, when we weren't even a couple! 

So, eventually, on Thursday last week, I just went to seminary a different route and didn't bother to wait.  And I left the building without him.  I thought he was mad at me, because he was sort of acting like it, and on Friday he was absent, so I didn't have anything to worry about then.  Sure, I felt bad, but he was freaking my friends and I out.  It wasn't good, so I wasn't too guilty about mostly being relieved, either. 

But guess what he did today? 

He followed me around. 

I'm not happy.  I'm just not.

So, if you're the boy who I'm talking about, I'm sorry.  You're nice and I like you.  You'll find a nice girl who is head over heels someday.  But I'm not that girl, so back off.  I'm scared of you, and that's not a way to make someone want to marry you. 

Bye!

I Finished a Novel!

I've mentioned in a previous post that I don't like my book.  I thought while writing it that it was absolutely terrible.  In some cases, I still think that.  But right now, I'm over-looking that, because I finished it! 

Today I had a bunch of time to write, and I just hammered out that sucker and finished it.  Honestly, I was sort of getting sick of it, so I may have rushed it a little.  Possibly a lot. 

I'll fix it later. 

But I finished a novel!  I used to think it would take me until adulthood to do that much, and I thought that I would then publish that book.  I don't think I'll publish this, but we'll see where the editing gets me, and what my mom thinks, because I'm going actually let her read it now.  Yeah... it's scary.  Especially when your mother hates chick-lit, but that's what I wrote, and she's good at feedback, so we're going to do that.     

Of course, now comes the scary "what now" of it all.  Do I try to publish it? I'm pretty darn sure that it's not that good, and at times horrible enough that it would be a no, and that's okay, but like I said, we'll see.  First I need to edit.  But then comes some other questions.  Like, I'm actually considering turning it into a series.  Or do I just move on to the British super-hero book I want to write?  Will Wattpad still love me?  Will I still love it?  They're important questions.  And now I have to face them.  #scary

But it'll be okay, I'm sure.  I'm going to keep working at this, and I'll get there.  I do have a game plan for what I do want to publish in future years.  It's this one idea I've had since, like, the second grade.  I'll tell you about that later.  But, what I mean to say is, that this was never my intention to go further than Wattpad. 

Now, my brain is fried, so I'll just tell you some facts about my book, and then we'll be done. 

Fact One:  This was roughly 67,568 words.  I plan on lengthening it quite a bit. 

Fact Two:  It was 136 pages, single spaced, size 11.  Again, I'll lengthen it. 

Fact Three:  I was writing this for about 11 months.  Possibly longer.

Fact Four:  Excluding the prologue and epilogue, it was 22 chapters. 

Fact Five:  My favorite chapter was chapter four.  I made people cry.  It was fun.

Fact Six:  If I were to write a sequel, then I would have Melody end up with a different guy. 

Fact Seven:   Yeah... I don't know what else to say. 

Thanks to people who have read it and supported me.  Thank you, bye!