Dear Girls My Age

Note before I start the letter:  I've been doing speech and debate pretty much nonstop for the past few weeks, which means that I have been observing a lot of dramatic content, which probably means that this is going to come off as emotional and, well, dramatic.  But it's genuine.  So just bear with me on this. 

Actual letter:

Dear girls my age,

Of late this has been weighing on me a lot, but before I began to realize that what I'm going to talk about is an issue, I had a completely different viewpoint.  Yet having recently written a book that was originally a romance, I have had to seriously consider what major changes that I want to make in it. Which required thought on what kind of message I want to convey, which made me realize that I had fallen prey to a mindset that disturbs me, and one that I am sensing and seeing more and more frequently. That problems like depression, sadness, or hard events are the best ways to build a strong relationship with someone.  And you may try to deny it, but for a second, just think about it.  Because I know that this was my philosophy in writing and occasionally life, but I never really put it into perspective. 

This is wrong, and it's a blatant lie that you tell yourself.  When I showed my friends my book, and after they read it, when I told them that I was seriously considering making Melody single, they were all against it, and the subtext that I had gathered from their comments was that she needed somebody to come along and make it better for her and her feelings of self doubt and sadness.  They adored it when Oliver (the love interest) came along and saw what was wrong, and made romantic gestures about it.  They were excited when she broke down in tears and cried on his shoulder while he whispered things about how he was always there for her in her ear.  And I have seen this in real life.  How dear, dear friends that I love very much want to be openly sad to attract the attention of the boy that they like.  That they want them to be always concerned about them, because apparently that is cute and sweet.  My question is:  Do you really think that being upset all the time is going to solve your problems?  Do you think that this is what makes true, genuine love?  Don't get me wrong, somebody who cares about you and your emotions is necessary too.  And exposing a little vulnerability is just fine.  But there is a difference between wanting someone to make your life all better because you are experiencing difficulties, and being there for someone.  I can understand that it gets confusing, and I don't entirely know the line myself. 

Here's what I think we can do about it, though:  We can put off our fantasies and visions of knights in shining armor, and learn to be happy with ourselves.  If there is something wrong with how you feel about yourself or life, then your current journey and story should not and cannot be about finding a soul mate.  It needs to be about finding out who you are, and being okay with it.  I get it, we're hormonal teenagers who have made the discovery of boys, and we are also so insecure about us.  This can't be a coincidence, right? 

I agree.  It isn't.  I think that it could be a test of our willpower and how we handle our issues.  Do we rely on someone else to fix them with hugs and kisses and whispered sweet nothings?  Or do we gain confidence in ourselves?  There's a reason that my church has so many guidelines about dating.  This may or may not be a reason, but to me it's a pretty good explanation.  You simply cannot properly love someone in a real and genuine way until you have learned that you can love yourself too.  Am I saying that you shouldn't get help if it's called for?  No, I strongly encourage that of anyone, and I think that that is a healthy solution.  But romance is not the answer.  Cheesy lines written in five paragraph essays/texts won't help you in the long run.  At least not in a real way.  If a guy doting on you because you struggle to even smile, then that is a delusion of love.  It's fake.  Don't think that you are above romance either, but know that romance is not above happiness.  You are better than any sadness or insecurity that the devil can plant in your head. 

Now, quick thing on what being secure means.  It does not mean that you are perfect and don't need to change a thing about you.  It means being happy, and being okay with changing things about yourself, certain aspects, because that is what being human is.  But it also means that you are invested in yourself, and that you care about your own well being.  It is being able to look in the mirror and smile at how pretty you are.  Security is something that you gain for yourself, and that you cannot receive.  Again, anything else is fake. 

Girls my age, please find your own kind of happiness.  Let others help you on your way, that's what we're here for.  Find good friends.  But please don't be sad for a boy, and don't think that he can actually fix all of it.  He can't, even if he does care about you.  You need to go out there and be the kind of story where you find out that you are the hero of it.  That is why there is a good chance Melody may single at the end of the day.  It's a message of my book.  That you are living your own story, and until you are no longer struggling to make it through the day without an emotional breakdown about how rough things for you, that you will be unable to share the rest of it with another person. 

I understand any arguments that may be made for this, I really do.  But this is the glory of the blog (and my stubborn headedness), that I can write this, and be absolutely immovable in this opinion.  I would greatly appreciate any pause for consideration, however, on your part if you're not for what I'm thinking.  And let me know your thoughts on this post and subject, I would love to hear it.

Love,

Lizzy 

Let's Talk About Happy Things

Okay, so I'm actually really, really jumbled up emotion wise right now.  Over the course of this past week, I have had increasing stress, miscommunications with a family member, and little time to do what's necessary to, like, survive. Very recently, I had something occur that helped quite a bit, but then of course today something had to go and put a damper on it.  (Not too much.  The something I'm talking about is pretty cool.)  But it is a Sunday that I am writing this on, so I think that it is appropriate to talk about the things I am grateful for, and maybe that'll help straighten things out. 

First and foremost, I am beyond grateful for my church.  It's true, I can say that much, and it has helped me through so many rough times, and has been there for the good, too.  I'm not a perfect little Mormon angel (I know nobody who is), but the great thing about the gospel is that the spirit is there for you, as long as you reach out.  I'm still learning about being on a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father, but I'm so very glad for the opportunity to continue getting there.  Whatever bad things you may hear about it, understand that it is the people who have made wrong decisions, and that the gospel in itself is perfect, which is one of the many reasons I love it so much. 

I'm grateful for my friends- all of them.  As a fairly shy and insecure teenage girl, let me tell you that good friends are one of the most important things you can have.  Each and everyone of them have been blessings in my life, and have come in at the times before or when I needed that person and didn't even know it.  I have ones who just listen to me, and .let me call them whenever I need the slightest pick-me-up, I have the ones who will get your mind off of it, and the ones who are always good for a laugh, but are wise and understanding at the same time.  They accept me as I am, but without their knowledge still encourage me to be a better person.  Once upon a time, I struggled a lot to find people who genuinely cared about other, myself included, and were compatible with me, so to anybody that reads this, thank you so much for being there, and being amazing.

I'm grateful for my family.  So, I'm kind of annoyed by one or two of the members right now, but believe it or not, I still love them.  (It shouldn't be hard to believe),  Lately, as I have been spending more time away on weekends, I've realized just how much I rely on my home, siblings, and, yes, parents.  They're cool.  I feel like there is a certain amount of faith in my potential as a human being, which I believe is needed.  Oh, yeah.  We're imperfect.  But that's okay.  We have eternity to sort it out. 

I'm grateful for education.  Again, slightly a sore point for me right now, not because I don't think I'm smart, I just lack in the organizational abilities required for the socially acceptable levels right now.  But, I'll admit, it's necessary.  Do I have to say more about that?  I don't want to. 

I'm grateful for this country.  Dude, it's not perfect, but it's not terrible either!  We have freedoms and luxuries that I don't think happen a lot of other places.  I can write this!  I'm well fed, and I can worship as I choose. 

And, mostly. I'm grateful for the cat.  (I'm rolling my eyes, don't worry).  Jack, this is for you, buddy.  Love you.

Okay, I'm obviously grateful for a lot more.  But the truth is, I haven't written in a while, so this feels sufficient right now.

Thanks for reading! 

Bye!