I know that you're supposed to "sell" yourself and your work in this world if you have any hopes of making it, but I am thankfully still a teenager and this can probably be forgiven. If not, I at least am satisfied knowing that my soul is cleansed from the truth of what you just read. Because, no, I do not like my book.
It's not like I ever planned on publishing it or anything, this has always just been a means of practice and getting an idea out there. I've never wanted to make money off of a simple chick-lit. They're fun to read, and I am forever grateful to the people who have published them, but I want to make a different statement about what I do. Straight up romance is just one component of the many, many things that I think can make a really great story. The Co-Star's Epilogue (the title of said novel in progress), is not the kind of work I want to officially put out there. Which is good. It wouldn't get published, anyways. And that is not to be self-deprecating; it's just the truth.
I've been writing the thing for a year already, and am only on page 99, so I think that that has always been a sign that it isn't exactly destiny. And in a year, a lot can change. Especially my writing style. I'm not sure if it's improved or not, but it has most certainly changed. As a result, whenever I look back on the first few chapters or so, I want to cry, and not in a good way. It's very discouraging to look at a character that I started writing, and to realize that it had a transformation too quickly and too suddenly, hence the word transformation, and not development. I look at it and wonder how in heck I am going to go back and edit it. Is that how all authors feel? I don't know, this is the farthest I've ever gotten on a book. Once I actually finish it, I will officially be able to say that I wrote a novel, even if I prove to be unsuccessful in future years, but for now I can't even say that.
But I think I've made it clear that I don't feel warm fuzzies towards it. The plot is unoriginal, the characters are typical, and it's not too well written. Honestly, I'm not saying any of this to get the whole "oh but it's so wonderful, Lizzy!" thing, it's just fact. And that's okay. I'll go back and edit, and this is just a practice novel, anyways. I am very much okay with it not being great right now.
The thing that should be asked is why I'm still writing it. The short answer? I want to actually finish something so that I can have bragging rights and the experience.
The extended answer? This book is personal.
Okay, so brief explanation on the plot of the Co-Star's Epilogue. It's about a girl named Melody who was dumped after a supposedly totally stereotypical romance, and she was the girlfriend of the guy who had been the main love interest, and ended up being on the losing end. So she recognized that the love story between this one girl and her now ex-boyfriend was very by the book, so she called herself the co-star, because she thought she was unimportant as a human being, and didn't have her own story.
As a result of not having a boyfriend, poor Melody was depressed for six months straight before things started actually happening for her. She met a guy named Oliver, who was quiet and nice and sweet and basically perfect and helped her realize that happiness was still a thing, being dumped isn't the end of the world.
Now the book has turned into a cheesy romance. It's great.
But before I discovered Wattpad, and found that this isn't exactly the most uncommon thing, I had thought that I was completely alone in pretty much writing a fan fiction about yourself. Yes, that's right. This book is based off of me.
Okay, look. I'm going to say, for the record, I wasn't ditched by a guy. I never had a guy. I just liked a guy, and he didn't like me. Being the self absorbed person that I was and still am, I thought that this was the saddest and most unique thing ever, and was totally devastated. But, to be fair, I did have a crush on him from grades three through eight, which can be considered to be a long time. It might have sort of turned into a slight obsession. Grades four through five I was convinced that I was in love. Oh, many times I tried to get over it, I just couldn't, which is also kind of normal. Because I was a terrible mix of drama queen and stupidity, I told all my friends, and they told him, which was really embarrassing, but not altogether surprising. At the time, however, it was, and therefore I was an unhappy fourth and fifth grader.
Anyways, I matured, (this is debatable to some), and grades 6 through now, I was and have been a perfect little angel about it. (Again, debatable.) It still made me sad, though. I really liked this guy! But he also happened to be, like, really popular, whereas I never have been. It still managed to make me kind of sad. And then, low and behold, there came along another guy. Completely indifferent, handsome, and what I thought to be perfect, I was completely into a new guy by the seventh grade. In my head, it was a little bit like a love triangle, except, you know, neither knew I existed. I liked this boy for about two years, a little less. But long enough for him to become the inspiration for my Oliver.
By the eighth grade, I had already contemplated the fact that we all played roles in each other's stories, and being the pretend martyr that I was, I cast myself as victim in this book of mine. The longer term crush was David, the guy who did the leaving, and the other was, as said before, Oliver.
Um, okay, so pretty uneventful after that. I've been continuing to grow as a person, I think, because that's what people do, and I've graciously accepted and gotten over the fact that both boys are not my destined future husbands.
At some point, through a friend, I found Wattpad, which has been lovely in taking down my deluded sense of being alone a few notches, and have been posting ever since. I've got fifteen followers, and a little more than 500 reads, and that's really all I need.
My characters have branched off and become their own people, so I no longer need a person to model them after, and despite everything you just read, I'm really looking forward to working on it.
I think that's all. Thanks for reading!
Oh, and, P.S.: Disclaimer: If you're a Wattpad person, and reading this, please know that I do not think of myself as perfect or super nice, as I have portrayed Melody. Thanks. ;)
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